i just noticed a red patch on my arm. it's swollen and numb. it's not a bite. i think it is a saturation of negative emotion tt is trying to escape my body. i may die tonight. before i go i wnat to tell karin and her tactless fuckhead of a boyfriend to go to hell.

i would kill myself if only i hadn't repented for my suicidal thoughts yesterday at penitential service. i may die tonight. the lump on my arm is worrying me.

liy is the first person to make me laugh since just now. thanks liy. and isaac's ano-rock-sia joke too.

i sat in the cab and cried and cried. i'm angry more than i am tired. for the hundredth time i thought bout wat would happen if i brought a knife to school and stabbed pple who pissed me off. then i remembered tt yesterday i had spent more than an hr queueing up to confess my sins (none of which were lenial) and how the priest let me off with a light penance and i cried somemore. i thought bout how i could just open the door of the cab and throw myself out and let my ad grp members go figure the rest of the project without me. now, i'm surprised tt i can recall many times when i felt like flinging myself out a window. i think the swell on my arm might be a self-inflicted injury; sometimes when i'm not in a stable frame of mind i forcefully hurt myself without knowing it. i'm getting too dangerous for myself.

now i am emotionally loaded and i cannot start work. i'm far frm holy but i will not have anyone disrespect God at my expense. i never blame pple's incompetence on their religion and i fucking hate it when pple do tt to me.