i've already showered but didn't wash my hair so it still reeks of pesticide frm siting in kenny's pest control van. at least i can sleep well knowing tt there will be no insects crawling into or round my ears (or maybe out of my ears? ugh).

wanted to club or go out with karin tonight but we decided another day.

is it all right for me to be annoyed with pple when they complain i stay too far then they expect me to travel to their place instead? cos i get tt a lot and it actually does piss me off most times. ya, i know i'm used to traversing the island more than most pple i know but won't anyone just fucking come to my house for once? this reminds me of the time in pri 3 when i wanted to have a birthday party so i did a kind of informal poll among potential invitees and it turns out no one wanted to come cos i stayed too far away.


so i went to nuss just now and we sat outsdie to enjoy the breeze and i ordered a mango and peach shake for 5$. i was smiling but i don't understand why cos i don't remember being happy or having any funny thoughts at tt moment; it was the kind of smile you smile when you experience an emotional dearth. or maybe the breeze sweeping past my face had pulled the sides of my mouth towards my ears. anyway so there i sat, an artificial smile on my face and the need to pacify craving to do something other than nothing in my heart. then out of the blue, michelle (tay) insisted tt chris let her take a few puffs off his fag. as she held it to her lips and casually remarked to emmeline (among other things) tt she was smoking cos chris won't stop, i looked on in disbelief and my smile began to feel more and more plastic. for those few moments, i felt like i was meeting her for the first time and i wasn't taking to her very well. it wasn't so much the smoking as it was the things she said as she took a drag almost comically and exhaled the fumes. it was like frm dark comedy and all i would've liked for those moments was to get the joke.