sorry, ravi maan. i won.


rang the doorbell twice and then opened the door to the an empty hse and the smell of our christmas tree. i was sad tt there wasnt anyone to greet me but it was good too cos then i didn't feel obliged to account for the sad, tired look on my face.

my dinner of overcooked lamb roast with the french beans and instant mash potatos was waiting for me in the microwave. i sat down at the dining table and poked at the food, stoning at it in between bites. i've always imagined tt if my life were ever made into a movie, it'd be pretty abstract and a bit like Last Life in the Universe. you don't know the things i do, the things i do when i'm alone.


whose lips these are i used to know
from whom do crimson liquids flow
corn cracker becomes my favourite friend
to my saddened self its sweetness lends


having my ass kiss the floor for 4 hrs straight does me no good. i had company for most part but having nothing to look forward to was barely enjoyable. thank god for my cap without which i would have felt like an even greater loser than i already was/am. also, i hate andrew's friends, especially tt stupid chibai-faced chinese guy he was sitting with today. i think i can't stand all of them with the exception of deny cos deny is nice. i'm not saying andrew should change his friends; i don't give a fuck really.

rusty nail drilled through my head
i'm hanging frm the wall
dangled right above the ledge
just in case i fall


Doing it for my baby:

i want to see you come to life
i want to give you love
i'm saving part of me for you
and him whom you're made of


i'm sitting on the part of the semi circle tt's parallel to the floor and tt's why i'm still. i made my way up here and frm here it's down down down.

i dreamt yesterday tt i saw him again, plotting. and i didn't tell anyone and then he came after me. i screamed for adam to open the gate and i rushed in just in time. later, news reached us tt some kid had had his brains blown out. and i knew it was all my fault. i woke with the feeling of the rifle pressing into the back of my neck. how many times can a bad dream happen and who will save me from self destruction?