these are some things that i'm allergic to:

fresh cowsmilk.
expired goatsmilk.
being ignored.
daddy touching me.
pple using my towel.
loud irregular noises.
changes in furniture/residence/curtains etc.
being late for a movie.

sometimes i get cramps. sometimes i get convulsive. sometimes i wring my hands and become vexed and suicidal. sometimes i think maybe tt epilepsy medication wasn't made to last.

there are things i like too,
like being in love and reading aloud to myself. i also love when the rain and wind kiss my face and make me near-orgasmic. i like pleasant surprises. i like limejuice mixed with rosesyrup. i like making out on the bus. i like jigsaw puzzles and connecting other things. i like sunsets. i like to run.


i used to think i was the man of the family. i used to think tt i had to protect us. i used to sit behind curtains with my legs sticking out; at least tt's wat they tell me. they also claim i used to mutter to myself as i sat there. maybe in a half-hearted way i wanted to be found.

me and karol, we went to pasir ris park to watch pple as wayne suggested. we took some pics. even though at the back of my mind- and i'm not sure if karol knew this too- i knew tt wasn't why we had to be there. i can't help but notice the many uncanny ways the two of us are so alike, and how parallel our lives are. and i think we both wish we grew up different frm the way we did. we listened to each other's childhood stories over dinner and with every you know wat, i began to understand better why we two are the way we are. i felt some an unexplainable hopelessness as i desperately looked for things to shoot at the park and i had a feeling the pictures wouldn't show touch as much as it would the lackthereof. it seems strange to hug daddy and actually mean it. strange how i would let the (former)bf's hands almost all over me but never let daddy so much as tap me on the shoulder. i know the way i work and i know how i'm indifferent to things i don't know how to react to. and how long will it last, this indifference. i forgot to tell wayne tt touch isn't love; it's acceptance. tt's very important because you know, i've loved a great many things frm great immeasurable distances, and i cling to feelings i cannot bear.