i think i'm spposed to be asleep now. my body is aching but my stomach feels less queasy and i don't feel like i got the sprints anymore. been reading up on malaria symptoms and i'm a bit worried i might have it.

sometimes i think tt i'm too far ahead for my own good. i unwittingly imagine sad scenarios tt have never occured but which i think will occur in the future. then all at once i begin to feel sad. this strange sadness is usually facilitated by aural accompaniment.

i remember having a good cry in cambodia. i'd called karin for my results and found out tt zeh zeh had smsed some of my friends saying tt i miss them. you'd think it was a harmless msg but it got me worrying cos i wasn't missing anyone and i certainly didn't want anybody to think otherwise. i sat at the dining table of our wooden hse, lamenting my apparent heartlessness. julius' attempts to console me only made me feel worse and worse till i looked down and muttered, "oh no i think i'm gonna cry". and i did. and i couldn't recall the last time i'd felt tt sad. "fuck you julius" i said and then i laughed at a comment someone made. and dowell asked me to decide if i wanted to cry or laugh. "why does it have to be black or white?" i shot back. "why can't it be grey?" i absolutely refuse to compromise my ambivalent insanity for the comfort of a tactless metrosexual. boo hoo.


:: Some Other Time - yoko kanno


why am i not asleep yet. i had a six-hr nap in the aftnn. tmr, to lidong's place to mess up his room.

did you know i had a fried tarantula?