why am i so emotional, karin?
cos you're human.

despite the long and tearful conversation, the only quietus i feel now is that of my love for lidong. i don't know what he's thinking now. maybe that it's ridiculous that i have so much to say. maybe he's thinking i'm making a big issue out of nothing. and it scares me that i never know what he assumes about me; that i'm guilty? ludicrously emotional? selfish? it scares me, the thought of him thinking this of me, and the chances of it all surfacing during a future misunderstanding, like a circus of clowns popping out of a pot of hot stew. just now amid my wailing and bawling, for the first time in a while, i felt like physical death would be a plausible reprieve.

:: Goodbye to You - michelle branch