it doesn't feel right. saturday afternoon, i cried into my dinner. for once the asian university restaurant got my order right and it had to be the time that i screwed up. you can't have everything, amelia.

:: Wild Horses - tori amos

i thought i was doing ok but when im alone in my room, the pangs of regret grab at my insides. it feels wrong and it feels rash and i can't help but wonder if there was a better way to have solved it. it's a tragic story. i imagine lidong is feeling cheated. i wish i could say i loved him with all my heart all the time. i guess i don't have that same capacity i had at 17. it seems a shame to end a relationship via msn. just like that. so much quicker than when we started it.


this sounds stupid, but can we still be friends?
that's up to you.
what you mean? why's it up to me?
cos you're the one tt's always feeling
whether we're still friends also depends on you also what!
it doesn't matter lah. doesn't matter anymore. the sun is coming up. i'm tired, i want to go sleep. bye.
ok.. b-
--you have one thousand one hundred and 22 minuntes in this call.


i told him it was tragic, you know? and he said it didn't matter. yea, words never really did much for him. i don't understand his concept of flaws. i don't believe in loving pple and all their flaws. if you see something as a flaw, chances are you're going to have some contempt for it even if you try to love past it. and it will come back to haunt you, your contempt for these flaws you 'overlooked'. i tried to love him and i wanted to and i thought i could. i wish it didn't have to end like this. i don't feel like there's any closure and i know i'm gonna suffer for this in the longrun.

violent pornography and old sch hollywood remind me of lidong. together with amie. i wonder what reminds him of me. am i your motorcycle driveby, lidong?
i loved you lidong, and in the times i didn't, i tried. thanks for loving me.