it's been a shit past two weeks. contracted two viruses - one flu-like, one rashes tt are killer-itchy. tt's not even the worst. i dont like wallowing in self-pity but the ast two weeks i've just been breaking down and having crying attacks. i wake up, i feel like dying, throughout the day i find myself constantly holding back tears. i just wanted to go home. you know? i hate being unproductive in times when unproductivity has no meaningful end. this semester, work seems harder than usual and i know that it's just me. it's not like the work is getting ridiculously harder. it's just me. and it's frustrating cos i duno what's going on with me. everyday i wake up and all i can think of is how much i don't wanna be here. and when dylan called me, he'd say how much he wants to be in perth and it just doesn't make me feel any better. [occasionally he makes comments bout how i don't understand cos my family and my friends are all so well off. i cannot disagree where family is concerned- not everyone in my family is rich but we all live relatively comfortably but all through hard work. i don't feel it's fair to say all my friends are rich cos he's only met the ones in perth and obviously the ones who are here are fortunate enough to have the resources to be here.

it's almost comical, the thing tt has kept me going the past few days. i'm glad to have friends like joe and malcolm who look out for me. in a discussion bout jambans and tandas over dinner on fri or sat, joe said to someone: You think you're getting shit? Thank God you're not a toilet bowl! they get shit everyday.

i thought bout tt seriously because i'd been REALLY feeling so crappy. and it made me smile. so at mass on sunday, i said to God: Thanks for not making me a toilet bowl. and then i had to control my laughter for the rest of the mass.

today was a good day till somewhere round 9.20. i stayed up all night and all day to force 2500 words out of my ass and finally handed in the music essay at 3.29pm. it felt so good knowing i was so much closer to being home. called dylan to wish him belated birthday and to ask why he hadn't called me and when did he get back from KL and tt row wow couldn't find him at the sausage factory. (he was at work, and i was calling from my hp "ok ok you go work. byebyedahling. love you!" "okok bye bye"). then recieved an email frm french embassy telling me tt my application for job in new caledonia had past the due date so no more NC job for me. then dinner, free yoga class then watched some touching video on the oprah site tt got me crying in less than a min. then sarah palin prank video etc. and then-- i don't know why it's taken me so long to come to this point, but we're here anyway----- then i logged onto facebook and found out tt my boyfriend had unceremoniously dumped me this morning circa 5.15.