i'm getting very upset over so many things these past few days. so many things, tt i don't even know where to start. i have to find a way to make myself productive and emotionally gratified because if i don't i'm just gonna keep getting upset and become even sicker than i already am and i'll probably die of an asthma attack cos my ventolin inhaler is expired and can feel an asthma attack creeping in. i think it's one of the most exasperating ways to die. because there is so much oxygen around and i try and i try to take it in but my body refuses to let me and there's nothing i or anyone else can do. i don't wanna die tonight. i'd be really upset if i had to die without having children. and it'd be really sad to know tt my last meal was currie hall dinner. tragic... i know.

i wish the doctor gave me some medicine today. i've been getting itchy rashes on random parts of my torso for the past few weeks and now i have flu-like symptoms. i waited half an hr at the uni med ctr only to have the dr tell me tt i have two viral infections, but she can't do anything bout it so just eat fruits and take panadols. how bout my delirium? will panadol cure tt too? when i'm lying in bed and it's noisy outside, i feel agitated and i start to imagine things and when i fall half asleep, i get nightmares i can't escape from. and it really gets to me; when i wake up, it takes at least a couple of hours to feel functional again. sometimes i wish pple wouldn't think i'm just being strange when i tell them these things.