hahaaaha just read in the papers bout some guy who defaced a wall outside the parliament hse: "Hi Harry Lee, i love you."

HAHAHAHAHAHAA.. it's hilarious.


last sat night, as i lay in bed, thoughts of last november's ordeal suddenly flooded my mind. i guess it was cos i was talking to zac before going to bed and i mentioned tt i'd rather tattoo my childrens' names than a bf's name on myself because at least your family won't dump you (idealistically, of course). so anyway, my consciousness was clouded by thick memories of the anguish and disbelief and anger tt i'd experienced and it started to rain heavily inside of me. i lay in bed unable to sleep. when i finally did, i had a nightmare bout something unrelated but then woke at dawn, i started crying because i could still remember so vividly the pain i felt. fucking hormones.

mummy was giving my lots of flak yesterday bout how i'd been "giggly" when the guys came over to jam before my ipl appointment. i'm happier than ive been in the past two months and i'm not gonna let her ideas of how i should act spoil my fun. i laugh because i like being round them and i thoroughly enjoy their company and how it's instrumental to my getting a potential job so i'll fucking laugh when i fucking want to. and then she went on bout how i seem to be so listless and don't have any plans bout what i wanna do. truth is, i don't know if i can be bothered with planning anymore. i've never really been a planner and the one time i try to plan, everything just fell flat. the worse were the plans me and dylan had together; and it's not like i was just dreaming it all up by myself. i wanted to get a part time job and take the celta course when i came back and then later go to NC till mid 2010 then come back with the money i'd have saved from tt. and he told me tt when i came back frm perth, he'd work more and not take unnecessary leave so we could start "saving for something bigger". i was SO excited. i thought to myself how amazing it was tt everything was coming together and these plans were sort of making themselves and tt for once i finally had a workable plan. i'd maybe be able to get married by 26 and have kids before i turn 30. i was sooo excited.

and tt's why the thought of planning now just reminds me of how much things can fuck up. it's not tt i don't have expectations anymore; i just don't want to hurt like tt anymore.



we've got an acoustic audition on monday night and i'm really hoping we get it cos tt'll mean i'll a job and zac too. setady income for a while at least, so tt'll be cool- my first perm (sort of) job. i duno how it's gonna work out for terence but we'll see when we get the job.

i've been pretty preoccupied with this whole band thing. i guess it's the only thing i really look forward to every week. it's good cos i need a constant in my life right now. makes me feel more secure i guess. i secretly consider myself married to the band now haha.

sarah's bday this sat and she wants to go clubbing. it'll be a good chance to get out a bit and just loosen up. ya? {:o)


oh and whoever the fuck said tt IPL doesnt hurt is a fucking liar. but then i'd rather be smart and funny then have hairless legs.. so ya, thanks, God.