there are times when i wish i was someone else. living another life, doing different things, having different problems. but then it's pretty shameful when i really think bout how good i've been having it. it's true things could be worse than they are right now. still, i wasn't feeling so good bout my life as i was on the home-bound train just now. i was inundated by everything i have to do at work. i mean it's ok if i was only responsible for myself and if i was more familiar with the kind of things i'm expected to carry out; knowing that 30 little people's futures are in my hands and knowing that i have no fucking idea what to do half the time.. is just not good for my nerves at all. then of course, i was quickly reminded by my alter egos tt i've had gone through far more disheartening times in my life (see: the story of dylan) and soon- with a little added help from rick astley on my zen- i was slowly but surely comforted. right now, i'm still exhausted but not feeling as despondent as just now. tuition tmr... the work never ends does it?

of course, there some things that make my day less horrible. like one of my kids wrote an email to her friend telling her that she was pretty. the other wrote back: "You are pretty too". And then another of my girls told me just before boarding the sch bus: Ms yeo, today in my notebook i write "i love ms yeo". haha. so sweet. such candid expressions of affection. kids.. after everything, how can you not love them?

i still remember the things i did in pri 1, the pple i knew, what they did, how they made me feel... i remember taking it all so seriously. there are things that i have such vivid memories of. and i remember being really bothered when pple treated me like i didn't know any better. i hope i don't do tt to my kids. i guess tt's why i feel so pressured too; what if i do something to offend one of my kids and they remember me forever as tt teacher- "the one who (insert alleged crime against child here)". i should stop brooding over this. bitching is the limit. one week down, 9 to go.

this weekend, i'm going to attempt to have some semblance of a life.