feeling pretty terrible right now. i thought i needed to be honest and tell him how insecure i was when he was away, and tt i was afraid he was gonna go off and never come back. it was really bothering me to the point where i couldn't think bout anything else anymore. so i told the truth because i felt he needed to know tt i am truly a stupid basketcase sometimes. i guess i'm not being very fair. i thought more than a year was enough to help me move on. and i did move on but somehow i've backtracked into a stupid rut of insecurity. how did we get here, amelia?

now ive had a cry about it, i'm thinking ok great maybe i can now concentrate a bit more and think straight. but i fucked up already. terribly. and sorrys are not gonna be able to undo jackshit. i'm sorry, gimi. i love you like more than a good friend and it's not fair of me to expect more from you than you're ready to give. and i need to let go of these things tt are dragging me down. {:o(