Tonight (this mornite) is a good example of why you should never tell men you're not a virgin unless you've already slept with them. now it's descending in a downward spiral. :'( 


I suddenly feel very dirty. I am not a sex hotline and I am not going to give you my picture so tt you can wank yourself silly. if I happen to be sleeping with you and you happen to have a picture of me and happen to want to wank off, then you're welcome by all means. but otherwise, NO. just because I am not the virgin mary doesn't mean I haven't got any dignity left. and I wish blogger would stop auto-correcting my small i's and underlining all the misspelt words. you are cramping my style, blogger-  please fuck off thank you very much.


why did it take me so long to say I am upset. i'm feeling so un-nice inside right now. I don't even think I wanna meet tmr anymore.

it's scary and uncanny that after each relationship (or semblance of one), I find myself unconsciously assuming the characteristics of the last person who left me.

I am currently beginning to feel that being part of a sexual... "partnership" might be more favourable than actually committing anything more complicated/intanglible/breakable. sounds familiar?  it's not illogical: sex can hurt, but love can kill. and since pain is more lasting and gives me more of a high than I imagine death would, I will choose copulation over commitment.

but where does this leave the smitten other? what an unfortunate pickle to be in.

I always knew I had a violent and sadistic streak in me but i never realised till the other day that the idea of revenge excites me. it was after i had seen hannibal rising which i recorded on channel 5 some weeks ago. i felt such a high after the show, not unlike the one i felt after each episode of revenge.

i always marvel at how wise God is; gave me a penchant for masosadism, with vindictive and perverse tendencies, a procrastinating and lazy attitude, an impulsive personality juxtaposed with an wavering sense of rationale, conscience and empathy, a resourceful mind, a fear of heights, blood and pain, an allergy to almost every ingestible vice and an indecision and poor gross motor skills that would render any attempt at revenge fruitless. well done, You! never mind tt i constantly experience moments of dissonance.

how bout a catchy little song to wrap up this new epiphany:

 

shiok sendiri seh.