shit... dumb grudges and petty peeves are peering over my shoulder, threatening to ruin my otherwise un-bad day.
sometimes i hate playing the piano, cos i don't play. i can't play - i just try very hard. maybe it's my fault cos i'm always looking for shortcuts, but when i find i can't get it right, i feel so useless and stupid.
ya, sure, i can sing. but i've always imagined how nice it'd be if i could do a little more than that. sometmes it seems to me like everything i do is just to prove to me that i'm not that dumb. i seem to need that constant reassurance only i can offer...

am i condemned to a life as a jack of all trades? a bit of this, a bit of that. tt's all i am huh. i was gonna apologise for ranting yet again. but i'm not going to because this world owes me nothing and and i owe it nothing.

thank goodness the slight depression isn't so prevalent now. but i still hvae this unsettled feeling. as though something is missing. my heart is racing for no apparent reason and i hate it.
Olsen Olsen is helping me now... just me, my woe and my music. you go, amelia...

last night i had a nightmare - again. oh the terror and the fear. let tonight be kinder and offer more sound respite. there was a time when breathing wasn't such a bane.