tonight i feel insecurity building up. my heart is racing and i know it's not cos of my ventolin pills. stupid amelia. stupid foolish naive amelia.

last night as i cried to myself, i recollected - of a decade ago:
" daddy was crying. mummy was crying. zehzeh was crying. i was crying.
The crying and pleading and shouting and screaming suddenly comes back to me now. It comes back as a sick, sad tune. Like a tearful song, it's instruments all in beat, yet so jarring that you don't know whether to laugh or cry. i cried. i cried."

right now, i can't stop this uneasiness. i hate you amelia - you fucking liar.

the words began to stick and tears to flow. her meaning now was clear to see... wouldn't you know it; she wouldn't show it. ~ bread

i don't want to spend tonight crying myself to sleep. i wanna be high now... so high that i don't feel it. mummy, please stop asking me to go to bed. i can't sleep with the tears in my eyes. i'll sing you and me a song of the train i wish i'm taking as i lay my head down tonight.

Escape Express
amelia joaquin yeo

I woke up this morning with you sleeping there beside me.
And I kissed you for one last time.
I tried not to wake you as I slipped out the door
You don’t need to see the tears in my eyes.

Tonight I’m leaving on Escape Express,
Out of this world.
I just need to get away from it all.
There’re just things love cannot understand.

You may think I’m crazy
Cos we had it all – just you and me.
But trust me when I say you could more without me.
It’s better this way, better this way.

So I’m leaving on Escape Express,
Out of this world.
I just need to get away from it all.
There’re just things love cannot understand.

All my insecurities and frustration have been weighing on my mind.
It was only a matter of time.

Now I’m leaving on Escape Express.
Out of this world.
I just had to get away from it all.
I can only hope you’ll understand
… Understand.

today was rather sedated and hyper at the same time. when i laugh i forget. i've become as unpredictable emotions make me. because emotions don't listen to what you say. they don't do wat you think. my emotions - a whirlpool of excitement and nausea. reckon i won't make it past 20.