tuesday evening, me, jon and jermaine looked round for bks to review. and i wondered: who is it who controls time? it's a circle, i swear. i can create my own time if i make wat i'm doing important enough. then pple will follow my time and i will set the time.

ok i'm babbling.

my zehzeh is leaving for london with mama tonight. i will miss her and i'll be scared for her (cos i can always find a million things to worry bout). she will go there and eat my share of hampstead crepes and view the museums for me and eat fish and chips for me. london is her area, france is mine. i love my zehzeh and for 21 days i will have no one to fight with over the tv and no one to bitch to and talk loudly with when i come back frm sch every day.

when i was bathing tt day i was so tired tt i felt like i was going to collapse. then i thought to myself how lucky i am not to have any boyfriend. cos i dont have time for one and all tt. sometimes i get this way and i feel it's good. but other times i know i'm just trying to console myself. it's not tt i'm desperate for a boyfriend. it's just really nice to have someone to love. cos i like to shower pple with lots of love and make them happy (not applicable during PMS time).

i read up on epilepsy stuff online the oither day and i figured tt i might still have it. everyone laughs when i tell them tt i got fits when i was two cos i choked on a stupid fishball. .. hahahaa. ok i guess it is quite funny when you think bout it. haha. i stil get spasmic in my sleep and get craziness seizures, but not obvious ones so i guess it isn't a problem lah. i always wonder if i could consider myself a hypochondriac. it's like i know there's somehting wrong with me (not in a bad way... just in a disorder-ly way). at first i thought it was ADHD, then i thought maybe some shizo shit. but it's just tt the epileptic fit re-wired my brain. i'm happy to believe tt.

i'm beginning to like mondays/wednesdays. cos i finish sch early and then i go to daddy's hse to sleep before heading dwn to AF for french. i'm alone in the hse and i snooze on the sofa, with only the sounds of the very audible groans of the construction outside and the music i'm blaring (and the bus chugg-a-chugging, and the noisy chirpy birds, and the neighbours' tv, and the fan).


listening to: Head Over Heels, tears for fears