:: Happy? - mudvayne

the night before last night, lidong scared the shits out of me. i saw my terrified expression in the mirror and the tears started forming in my eyes. i guess you could say tt it's comforting cos i wouldn't have been that affected and the pain wouldn't have been so great if i didn't love him this much. i'm not trying to be optimistic in a corny way. i'm just seeing things in my warped way.

oh no the words to Happy? are like not so pleasant for now. so change song, ok.

i'm relieved to know tt at least i can cry in front of you. i'm always more willing to share joy with pple than i am willing to share my sorrows with anyone. just because i don't tell sad stories doesn't mean tt i don't have any.

i mulled it over and wondered if the conversation would have been possible if we had been talking face to face instead. somehow i'm more unreserved in online exchanges. the words come easier and smoother. well in any case, we haven't solved it, my bohemian ambivalence and avoidance versus his charted plans and plainspokenness. and i don't suppose there's any solution but compromise. but we'll have to figure tt as we go along.

you know how good it feels to hear your boyfriend tell his friend "i luv my gf very much". it occured to me yesterday and it feels fucking good. {:o)