at first i thought a necromancer was someone who takes a corpse out for dinner, a walk on the beach and perhaps even tries to propose to it.

but it's ok- everyone makes mistakes.

:: Club Slut - hot action cop

:: Holding My Own - the darkness


i stopped by the toilet before leaving and met an oldish lady called juliana. "Juliana Sim," she said. "Cos there are two Julianas." she said she needed someone to relay the cantor ministry announcements to her cos she didn't have an email address. what to do, i was the only other person in the toilet, right?

is there something tt old pple find oddly endearing bout me? i obliged and juliana said tt it was lucky she bumped into me: "God must've sent you here."
and tt made me feel good inside. i think i must've watched too many of those angel shows last time (they were quite the thing right?). touched by an angel, and those apparently "real-life" stories on tv where angels appear out of no where and do kind things like alleviate pple's pain and/or save their lives. i always thought tt was so cool; to appear out of nowhere and help someone.

i was telling lidong bout my consultation with wayne during photojourn last semester and what wayne said tt gave me a newfound respect for him. i wonder how wayne is now. it's amazing, i never thought tt i'd really ever come face to face with anyone who could turn me inside out and tell me who i am. i hope he just keeps on doing what he does.

listening to black sabbath's paranoid. hah long time no hear this man. can you help me occupy my brain? oh yea!

i wonder what i look like when i'm fuming. the other day i was on the way to meet lidong and i was livid. and i noticed tt everyone seemed to be staring at me - on the bus, at tampines mall, everywhere. maybe it's cos when i'm angry i tense my facial muscles and don't blink my eyes for long intervals, resulting in a very stoned look. or maybe i looked mean and evil, like i could lash out and kill someone at any moment. i really wonder.

pop.PORN.

i've never felt so let down by him before. looks like i have expectations too. but i don't love you any less. it pains me thie much precisely because i love you.


i remember asking lidong if my not meeting his expectations made it harder to love me. he paused for a moment and said he'd have to think bout it.

if only recalling the good times was as easy and as fluid as the heartwrenching memories.

:: Hemorrhage - fuel

wah lau, bastard! i have to download realplayer to listen to Symphony online? wat nonsense. ya ya "radio content is free"... BLURGH. wat the fuck even DAB radio needs realplayer?! D'ARGH.

i haven't felt nervous round knives in quite a while. i picked up a pair of scissors and sliced my hand tt day and the pain hit me hard like a plastic bag filled with marbles. it was almost a tiny cut- only 1cm- but deep enough to draw blood and disturbing enough to bridle my lame halfhearted suicide attempt.

there are some memories tt don't just go away. they stick. hitting my head doesn't work, as with other tried and tested methods. hmm. never mind. let me tell you how i like to imagine i am a ballerina.

when i was in primary school, someone told me tt if you did ballet, your toes and toenails would crack and bleed. i also wondered why anyone would voluntarily walk round like a duck while having to squeeze your butt in. i think it was last year or something, i walked into one of those outdoor heartland events and there were some pple from some dance company doing ballet. and i was in awe. How oddly titillating those pirouettes and synchronised tippy toed movements suddenly seemed. but anyway, i've always liked dnacing and monkeying round to music. oh yay.

:: Symphony 92.4

Facing downward while trying to stuff little morsels (see: nuts etc) into your mouth may cause the said foods to resist being eaten.

hey there georgy girl

yesterday i contended with a bedlam in my brain. complete with harrowing flashbacks from my childhood. cry cry cry.

:: Caramel - suzanne vega

you see, i always forget. so i will write this down before it escapes my mind. not tt it's necessarily of any significance..

i always find myself crying over things tt haven't happened- just in case they happen. or just becasue i need to cry.

i tell myself not to expect anything. i don't want to expect us to be gone in a while from now. and i don't want to expect us to be forever. but i want to love like there's no tomorrow. i don't think i know how else to love him.

aiyah can you fucking go and sleep already. ok, just one song.

Walk me out in the morning dew, my honey
Walk me out in the morning dew today
I can't walk you out in the morning dew, my honey
I can't walk you out in the morning dew at all

oh my god, wat's wrong with me? fucking basketcase. needy shit. i knew it; my issues couldn't have just disappeared. they've just morphed.


(on the side: karin sorry i'm suck a crank sometimes.)

i thought i wasn't delusional anymore. now, nobody needs a basketcase ok. nobody nobody nobody needs a basketcase.
why are you wasting your time being dramatic? you need to sleep, you know?
mm. and i will, and i will think whatever is killing me will osmose into the other end of the abyss and be gone when i wake. you are only dreaming. bittersweet.

i'm sorry if i don't have all the answers. it hurts me, the fact tt i don't know how to answer tt question. and i'll have you know tt i've asked myself tt qn more than a couple of times and till now, i've not found a way to answer it. and then i admonish myself: how can you not know, amelia?

i like who i am when i'm with you. and i'm at ease when i'm with you. i've never told you, but before us, i told myself tt if i went out with anyone, i wanted to be sure tt i wouldn't change into someone i didn't like and i would also make sure tt whoever i was dating was someone i was comfortable being with.


i don't think anyone knows this bout me: i love to do research (not for work; for leisure, OTOT). i like the fact tt i'm curious. i always take note if i encounter something i'm not familiar with. htne i go back and do some research. wheeee..... so fun!

heart attack
tonsilitis
barcodes
ISBN
mea culpa
annabel chong (see: www.annabelchong.com HAHA)
richard lim's Got Singapore
kissing disease
don juan

i was just reading a webpage with a list of latin phrases sometimes used in english and i got more excited bout studying linguistics. i love stuff like tt. yay.

i like japanese food cos everything tastes so fresh and i always feel good after eating jap food. even if i stuff my face, it still feels good. yes, tmr i will have it.

wat if you kept on pretending till you became the person you pretended to be? would you know it? or would you imagine in your mind tt you were unchanged?