:: Because of You - ne-yo

back in spore. feels like i never left and i wonder why. cept for the fact that i have no bf now. no calls to expect. i don't know if i'll ever be ready to be back.

i spent the whole of last night (wed night and thurs morning) packing my rm and raes rm into my grey box. earlier in the night, i called ophe and nora over to eat krispy kremes and strawberries and cherry tomatoes. i realised i enjoyed the company. i hope it'll be this good when i go to ottawa. packed all through the mornite and then had brekfast with nora, a hungover ophe and neer. we were the only ones in the dining hall for bout half an hr and it was nice. why must good times be fleeting.

i'd been wanting to try and talk to lidong for a while but i figured i'd give him time to cool off or do watever he needs to. and then i've been busy with the exams and the roadtrip and the packing and i wasn't ready to try and vindicate myself again and get all emotional.

just talked to him online and we were back at the accusations. i don't think all this would've happened if we hadn't been so far apart physically. maybe i would've been able to understand better how he felt bout his mother thing and maybe he'd be able to explain to me better and i could've helped better or not seemed so pushy. i feel stupid to have been so rash. i guess everything just built up. i still don't get his whole accepting pple for who they are thing. it's not like he doesn't get angry when i throw a tantrum. but it's not his job to accept them, it's my job to change. this is wat we apparently can't agree on. tough shit.

one of my favourite songs now. for lidong..

:: If You Don't Mean It - dean geyer

i keep wishing i hadn't said i wanted out. i keep wishing it'd worked out happily ever after. it's better this way it's better this way it's better this way. i guess it doesn't matter how much i try to explain myself. he's not interested anymore in wat i have to say cos it makes no diff to him. at the same time i don't even know what i'm trying to prove with all this talking. it's not like i'm dying to patch up cos i don't think it's a good time right now. i feel extremely unclever, amelia. wish i knew the answers to his questions.


seems like the end of this sem, i've been hanging out a lot more with guys. duno why it is tt i've always liked hanging out with guys more. it makes me really happy too, having guy friends. i wonder why tt is. and i'm actually really proud of myself for having guy friends who regard me highly.

random things:

- i realised on the road trip tt alex can sing. when there's a note he can't reach in the song, he changes octaves easily. i'm impressed. still, he pisses me off with his non-stop talking. congratulations to him for being the first person i've actually told frankly to please shut up cos they talk too much. and now i can actually empathise with the pple who tell me to just sing instead of talk.

- cherrilyn, edmen, nora, ophe and i made muesli cookies at edmen's set the other day. i suggested it so i could get rid of the remaining muesli which i bought but decided i didn't like. the cookies turned out good. and the only person who didn't like them was neer. i'm really proud of myself not just for the success baking day but also for actually carrying out something intended to do.

- iris' 21st in jb on sat. i'm spposed to sing something cos i stupidly offered but i haven't thought of a song yet and i won't even have time to practise with the band. oh well. i actually really want to watch the spore vs msia and vs aust matches but i promised to go for iris'. plus i havent been to jb in a while so it'll be good. i hope we don't get attacked in jb if spore wins.

- zehzeh's bf sean seems nice enough.

- i was looking forward to watching movies and spending time with lidong. i hate myself for spoiling it. not doing very well for a smartypants uneverstudy student, amelia.

- i have to contact tony cos i promised to 'collaborate' with him. i'm not too enthusiastic bout singing rnb stuff but i'll try. it'll be good experience. now the problem is contacting him cos he never comes online or anything.

- janan's driving is very bad and shame on him for criticising my driving at the go-karting. he drives a car like i drove the go-kart. i'm thankful i came back frm the roadtrip in one piece. the best part prob was the train part. i never knew trains could be so fucking long. thankful also for alex's ipod and dan's itrip.

:: Big Girls Don't Cry - fergie