the sky had been groaning for a while but the rain only started to descend as i was putting the phone down. literally, man. i looked out the window, the phone almost touching the receiver i watched in amusement as the leaves started to quiver strangely, like in a timelapse documentary. part of the strangeness was from the fact that each leaf moved by itself, sporadically and only in sync with itself. the air was still and so the branches were still and the only movement was the leaves quivering, like... a bit like many many many medium-sized green butterflies being random the way butterflies always seem to be. i thought i had to write it down, in case i forgot.

:: How Soon Is Now - morrissey (playing in my head)

you shut your mouth
how can you say i go about things the wrong way?
i am human and i need to be loved
just like everybody else does.


it's not even 11.46 in the morning and i'm up. this seems to be the reason why the view outside my window looks a bit different today (despite the fact that the sky has been overcast all day for the past few days). smells diff too. i smell nostalgia. and the phlegm stuck at the back of my throat.

when i'm feeling good and calm like tt, i'm always afraid to change my environment for fear of losing this feeling. i just switched on the heater and even this makes me worry. why do things like tt make a difference to me?


i still haven't gotten a job. tt cheapo looking place said they'd hire me on the spot but i'm kind of unwilling to give up my time right now. guess i shouldve asked them when i first got back cos i was so much free-er then. ive not been very good to keeping within my means this sem. not tt ive been spending often. the most worth it thing ive done this sem is probably pilates. it's one of the reasons i'm not free for a job but it also makes me feel good. (oh ya, i forgot to tell you, yesterday i found my butt *wooohoo!*. at ifrst i thought it was just cos i was arching my back too mcuh btu i found tt even when i didn't arch my back, my butt stuck out, glowing with newfound perkiness. thank you, pilates instructor. sounds lame but (or.. buTT hur hur..) i was really pleased with this. esp since this makes it easier for clothes to fit nicely and i can actually sEE where my $90 went to.