Friday, October 24, 2008

i'm getting very upset over so many things these past few days. so many things, tt i don't even know where to start. i have to find a way to make myself productive and emotionally gratified because if i don't i'm just gonna keep getting upset and become even sicker than i already am and i'll probably die of an asthma attack cos my ventolin inhaler is expired and can feel an asthma attack creeping in. i think it's one of the most exasperating ways to die. because there is so much oxygen around and i try and i try to take it in but my body refuses to let me and there's nothing i or anyone else can do. i don't wanna die tonight. i'd be really upset if i had to die without having children. and it'd be really sad to know tt my last meal was currie hall dinner. tragic... i know.

i wish the doctor gave me some medicine today. i've been getting itchy rashes on random parts of my torso for the past few weeks and now i have flu-like symptoms. i waited half an hr at the uni med ctr only to have the dr tell me tt i have two viral infections, but she can't do anything bout it so just eat fruits and take panadols. how bout my delirium? will panadol cure tt too? when i'm lying in bed and it's noisy outside, i feel agitated and i start to imagine things and when i fall half asleep, i get nightmares i can't escape from. and it really gets to me; when i wake up, it takes at least a couple of hours to feel functional again. sometimes i wish pple wouldn't think i'm just being strange when i tell them these things.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

i was awoken this morning again by the sound of wat i now think is the rubbish truck (again, since this happened before on another random morning in the random past). actually i was awoken by the sound of what i thought was someone having sex. it sounded like a girl orgasing (i say it's a word, so it is. besides, orgasming sounds as ridiculous and if i'm gonna say something ridiculous, it might as well be more original)... by the way, it's not like i woke up because i wanted to carry on listening to someone have sex; the fact that i woke up to a sound and tt sound happened to resemble a cry of sexual pleasure (pain?) is a complete coincidence. anyway, so i was lying under my blanket for the longest time, with my eyes closed, trying to figure out if it was **** and ****** cos after all, ramadan is already over... and i then i thought how it was amazing tt pple could have so much energy in the morning and then i thought again (since i've thought it before): oh no... i wonder what the upstairs neighbours must've been thinking when dylan was here since me and him are quite noisy... then i thought maybe tt's why they're not giving a fuck tt i can hear them- they must be taking revenge! and then i realised tt it might be the rubbish truck in the tomy more driveway/carpark tt was making all tt whining and groaning. and then i thought again (since i've thought it before) how amazing it was that a lot of things (and pple) sounded like a lot of other things (and other pple) and our reality of what is making wat sound is all in our mind. like how i once heard footsteps in the dark and had to stand there for a long while before i finally decided that it was the sound of rainwater dripping off the roof. and then i thought bout zac's ridiculously huge effects pedal tt he showed us last night (and by effects pedal, i do mean effects pedal, and nothing else) and how he had painted some pedals a different primary colour each and how it resembled the kind of little tykes toy tt emitted a different animal sound with the push of each button. and zac used his effects pedal (i really do mean effects pedal) together with his guitar to make the sound of an trumpeting elephant. it was really cool. it was so cool i made him do it again. and then at tt point i opened my eyes and looked at my hp and realised it was 8.38am and suddenly i heard little henry the vacuum cleaner. and i sighed cos i'd just wasted some 10 mins thinking bout sex and rubbish trucks and trumpeting elephants when i could've tried to catch more sleep before little henry came to zoopzoop my room floor.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

dylan just smsed me a real emo msg and then i panicked and went on msn to see if he was online then i called him. i know something is wrong but he's refusing to tell me cos he says i need to concentrate on my work and all that. i guess he doesn't realise not telling me is making me worry more. maybe tt's why i can't concentrate on my work- cos we have an affinity between us and if he's feeling down i feel down too even when i don't know he's feeling down. am i clear? i suddenly feel like i'm speaking gibberish.

at lunch today limin was just talking bout some couple who found out that they were actually half siblings; both their mothers had used sperm from the same donor. and limin was like: but didn't they suspect something when they met since they both had the same coloured hair, same allergies blablah. and then i thought bout dylan and me. i'd be soooo upset if we couldn't have kids cos we were found to be related. and i thought bout my unusually-extended family (since mummy's father had another family whom i've neevr met and daddy's father was some rich man wholeft granny before daddy was born cos his first wife didn't approve of her or something). the only way i want to be related to dylan is by marriage.

God i rreeally neeed unearthly help if i'm gonna graduate this sem.
oh my god! daily just called me! haha so cute. she said she really misses me. she's still teaching english grammar at a language sch in korea and (this is really funny...) she gives her students english nicknames and apparently AMELIA is a very popular name haha. she also uses Alfred, Rae and Zhong Yu (i guess she doesn't realise this isn't really an eng name...). how cute anyways. ah, so proud of her.. my first eng student. it was really nice to hear from her.

there's some fireworks nonsense going on in kings park and its kind of giving me goosebumps. sounds like bombs going off and makes me think bout all those war videos we had to wtach in sec sch. *shudder*