haha.. i just realised i spent the whole previous entyr being so excited bout how good today was tt i forgot bout the other exciting news.

i completed and sent in my Language Awareness Task thingy on monday and the british council emailed me this morning to ask me dwn for an interview in feb. i'm a bit nervous bout the writing task they said i'd have to do there cos i don't write well at all under pressure. we'll see. the rest of it looks hopeful. if thye like me enough to ask me for the interview then i guess i shouldn't be tt bad ya?

aunty grace called yesterday arvo to ask bout mummy and she asked what i'd been up to and what kind of job i was looking for and then in the evening, she called saying she had a job for me (!!!!). a french family just moved into her blk and the woman is looking for someone to tutor her 9-yr-old son in basic eng. he's studying at the lycée here and she says he really enjoys english lessons but they're only an hr a day so she needs someone since she hardly speaks eng herself. i spent 15 mins trying to type an sms in french to the lady (because i duno how to change my nokia dictionary to french mode so i had to type letter by letter) explaining tt aunty grace gave me her number and i could call her if she wanted to discuss the job in french but tt she'd have to speak slowly. après d'avoir reçu son 'ok', i called her and managed, in my rusty french, to arrange twice-a-week 2-hr lessons, starting next week. et.. euh les tariffs sont combiens? i was like um.. franchement, g aucune idée. euh........... 15$ par heure? she admitted she didn't know the standard rates either so we'll just stick to 15 first. i know. im a fucktard. why didn't i ask for 30-40?? -->(mummy's quote) or 50 <-- zehzeh's quote. i duno. i'm never comfortable asking or money. esp for something i'm not entirely sure i can handle. we'll see how it goes. the point is I HAVE A FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alors, c parti!!!!!!!!!!!!! in your face, betch!!!! HELL YEAH!

:: What is Happening - alphabeat

watching the vid for this song on mtv now and i really like it. i'd lik to cover it. but we'll see how. i just agreed with loo last night tt we should avoid picking songs tt require any vocal harmony to sound good, since we're not ready for tt yet.

i have lots of exciting things to tell. life is picking up but i don't wanna jinx it by declaring tt it's all getting better. i'm happy anyhow {:o)

took mummy to cgh today for her first physio appointment there. i liked today because- so far- it has been filled with nice and kind pple and i like it when pple are nice and kind. the cab driver who took us there was really patient when mummy took a while to get into the cab and when we alighted, he said Happy new year! and tt really made the start of my day pretty cool. then we got directed to the wrong room by main counter staff but the lady ic at tt rm was polite enough to apologise for the mistake and for keeping us waiting and referred us to the right place. mummy told me to go to the foodcourt first so i could decide what i wnated for lunch while waiting for her. but i decided to stay in the end to accompany her. the therapist had a heavy indian accent and mummy kept having to ask him to repeat so i was relieved i stayed cos at least i have more experience with heavy indian accents than mummy does thanks to uni and all so if she needed i could 'translate'. so anwyay, the guy did some stretching for her and i sat and watched as she grimaced trying to manoeuvre herself and i kept grimacing too. how do you sit by and watch someone you love in pain knowing you can't alleviate any of it. the thought of it is so painful. but mummy felt better after all the stretching and so mr india showed me how i could help her with the stretching at home and i then i didn't feel as bad.

we stopped outside tt qiji place cos mummy wanted the mee rebus frm there and i left here in the wheelchair outside while i went to draw money and when i got back she told me one of the aunties working inside came out and offered to order food for her. what a sweet lady. i went in to pay and she made sure i got the mee rebus no chilli and directed me to the counter to pay cos i was looking a bit lost, tt being my first visit to cgh in the last century. while walking out, i got blocked by this big guy in front of me and i stood there waiting for him to pass and then a jolly old man walking in the opposite direction looked at me and remarked "you should sound your horn!.. because the man is blocking you." haha. he smiled and i smiled and said it's ok i can wait and went out and related tt encounter to mummy. is it just me or is today being really good to me? on the way to the taxi stand, we stopped at the weekly cgh fruit stall and bought lots of stuff and the helpful stallkeepers taught me exactly how long to store the avocados for and helped me pick out some nice mangoes and chikus. i like fruits. and i like helpful fruitsellers even better. {:oD

having faith in the goodness of the world doesn't always make me happy but i know tt at least sometimes it does. don't we all like it when things turn out like we anticipated? and i like it even better (sometimes) when things are not wat i expect. i didn't think today would suck when i woke up this morning (yes- BEFORE noon. miracles do happen..), but i wasn't expecting to be showered by a jolly does of niceties. it feels good. being drawn to things i don't expect is probably why i like to hang out with pple like edward and loo; they always say things tt tickle and keep me wanting to hear more. if having something to look forward to this much makes me a sucker, then tt's wat i'll be. i guess i feel an affinity to pple who seem to treat happiness and contentement more as an aim and not just as a by-product of life.

so anyways, i came home and made an attempt at a frittata tt donis taught me how to make in ottawa. i miss tt fella. anwyays, it turned out not too bad and i had it with ketchup and swedosh meatballs with leftover steak sauce tt aunty june brought over yesterday when she made us lunch (she bought us goodies for tea as well, after taking mummy to and from the chiro). after washing up, i hung out the towels to dry and then prepped pesto prawns and honey-soy chicken for dinner. what a fun-filled day. it's days like this (and yesterday, when i couldn't stop smiling while in the wet market and supermarket) tt serve as affirmations tt being a hsewife is indeed my calling. and i'm not even trying to be funny, if you think i am. hah. i'm just really comfortable in this skin. {:o)

hahaaaha just read in the papers bout some guy who defaced a wall outside the parliament hse: "Hi Harry Lee, i love you."

HAHAHAHAHAHAA.. it's hilarious.


last sat night, as i lay in bed, thoughts of last november's ordeal suddenly flooded my mind. i guess it was cos i was talking to zac before going to bed and i mentioned tt i'd rather tattoo my childrens' names than a bf's name on myself because at least your family won't dump you (idealistically, of course). so anyway, my consciousness was clouded by thick memories of the anguish and disbelief and anger tt i'd experienced and it started to rain heavily inside of me. i lay in bed unable to sleep. when i finally did, i had a nightmare bout something unrelated but then woke at dawn, i started crying because i could still remember so vividly the pain i felt. fucking hormones.

mummy was giving my lots of flak yesterday bout how i'd been "giggly" when the guys came over to jam before my ipl appointment. i'm happier than ive been in the past two months and i'm not gonna let her ideas of how i should act spoil my fun. i laugh because i like being round them and i thoroughly enjoy their company and how it's instrumental to my getting a potential job so i'll fucking laugh when i fucking want to. and then she went on bout how i seem to be so listless and don't have any plans bout what i wanna do. truth is, i don't know if i can be bothered with planning anymore. i've never really been a planner and the one time i try to plan, everything just fell flat. the worse were the plans me and dylan had together; and it's not like i was just dreaming it all up by myself. i wanted to get a part time job and take the celta course when i came back and then later go to NC till mid 2010 then come back with the money i'd have saved from tt. and he told me tt when i came back frm perth, he'd work more and not take unnecessary leave so we could start "saving for something bigger". i was SO excited. i thought to myself how amazing it was tt everything was coming together and these plans were sort of making themselves and tt for once i finally had a workable plan. i'd maybe be able to get married by 26 and have kids before i turn 30. i was sooo excited.

and tt's why the thought of planning now just reminds me of how much things can fuck up. it's not tt i don't have expectations anymore; i just don't want to hurt like tt anymore.



we've got an acoustic audition on monday night and i'm really hoping we get it cos tt'll mean i'll a job and zac too. setady income for a while at least, so tt'll be cool- my first perm (sort of) job. i duno how it's gonna work out for terence but we'll see when we get the job.

i've been pretty preoccupied with this whole band thing. i guess it's the only thing i really look forward to every week. it's good cos i need a constant in my life right now. makes me feel more secure i guess. i secretly consider myself married to the band now haha.

sarah's bday this sat and she wants to go clubbing. it'll be a good chance to get out a bit and just loosen up. ya? {:o)


oh and whoever the fuck said tt IPL doesnt hurt is a fucking liar. but then i'd rather be smart and funny then have hairless legs.. so ya, thanks, God.

i have a habit i think i may be able to do without. maybe it's more like a mechanism for testing patience levels of those round me. when i start feeling emotionally close to someone (regardless of whether or not i'm sure it's mutual), i start allowing myself to unleash my nonsense on them; my nonsense being excessive amounts of drivel, random petty tantrums and bouts of emo-ness. more often than not, and understandably so, this nonsense is not well-received. especially in the case where the feelings of closeness are but fruits of my delusion. the result is my feeling very lousy about myself.

i think i'm pleasant only from far. i push sincere, loyal pple away and always give in to the impulse to draw myself closer to newer and potentially more exciting pple and experiences. and then when i realise i'm not as new and exciting to them, i get disappointed. and i often learn how they feel the hard way since, i guess, there really isn't an easy way to receive a lashing for making a general annoyance of myself. at the same time, i can't help but feel like i deserve an apology for watever shit i get as a result of this.

just read bout some museum of broken relationships thing where items collected from ex-relationships will be on display at the esplanade. someone donated a frying pan tt her exbf had bought her so tt she could cook for them at her place. tt's not gonna happen anymore so might as well give it away huh. in tt case, they should take my three repeats of yasmin since the way things have been looking the past 2 months, i'm not ever gonna be having hot sex with dylan for the rest of my life. hah. just being random.

last night at blujaz was fantastic. cept for the random walking round looking for my kakis, which i had to do every half an hour.. but it was really good. my knees hurt today.

first pants, then yoga, then now bibles in bahasa. the msian gahmen must think its muslim citizens are fucking idiots. the whole banning things here and there seems to suggest a paradoxical idea of their belief in islam; they have so much faith in the religion tt they get all worked over everything they can think of tt could possibly draw pple away from it. if you truly believed your religion was so fantastic, why would you doubt its ability to retain believers/followers? and, if the bible and the koran are similiar tt pple can get mixed up with bahasa-translated version of both, then doesn't tt say something about how we all have similiar roots and tt we shouldn't fight cos it's a complete waste of time cos we'd all go to hell if we did and meet there and have all of eternity to fight?

BLURGH.