another lame report from CNA... UGH!
is it just me? i'm so sick of their retarded reports. super no standard. first it was tt shockingly horrid video report bout the MALAY BABY GIRL being killed by a man who was found to be her father. "the baby and her mother were living at this blk- AMK Ave xx, Blk xx, where i am standing at now. this was found to be a shelter for young unwed pregnant mothers and according to our research, it is run by the catholic health services. standing outside the shelter, i can hear the cries of babies and the chatter of people...." -primary sch oral exam ah? TSK. and according to your research (no shit. it's a news channel. i'd be extremely worried if anything you said was not based on any research/investigation. and just go on and on bout the address of the shelter.. nvm tt it's it's spposed to be (used to be) a safe place for unwed mothers to hide from their abusive bfs etc. blahblablah. i could go on. anyway, here is the latest one:


Opposition member may have called the police to arrest his wife

SINGAPORE: Opposition party member Tan Lead Shake is reported to have called the police to arrest his wife in the murder case at their Paya Lebar Crescent home on Saturday.

Police later arrested his 26—year—old China—born wife for the murder of Tan’s brother and slashing his sister—in—law who is said to be in a stable condition at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

The murder and slashing took place at a Paya Lebar Crescent bungalow after an early morning quarrel.

Channel NewsAsia understands opposition party member Tan Lead Shake called the police after he was asked by his China—born wife to meet her at Victoria Street. This request came after she had stabbed Tan’s brother and slashed his wife, also from China.

The day after the murder, Tan and his sister—in—law’s mother were seen entering the house to collect some items. The woman was crying and shouting in dialect that "all hope is gone".

There were still blood stains from the front of the house to the back gate.

Over at the mortuary, police were seen helping to calm down other relatives.

Tan’s wife will be charged in court on Monday and faces the death penalty if found guilty.

The murder case is of interest as the husband of the accused is opposition party member Tan, who was dubbed ’The Slipper Man’ for his preference for wearing flip flops when he contested previous general elections. — CNA/vm


(http://sg.news.yahoo.com/cna/20080630/tap-357130-231650b.html)


oposition leader- WAH biiiiiiiiiig news. nvm then a human being killed another. but her husband is the reason this report is sooo interesting, you know. opposition leader LEH. my eyes are almost rolling themselves away. it seems almost as a joke tt they added that last line.

it's starting to get to me. i hate it how we keep fighting. then i cry, then he tells me i cry cos i'm so weak, that i'm immature and can't handle my emotions. crying=immaturity, selon lui. je suis pas d'accord. pas du tout.

so the one thing we can both agree on is tt zehzeh's bf sean is fucking annoying. only thing is, i have high tolerance and i'm kindof resigned to the fact tt i'm gonna have to tahan him as long as zehzeh likes him. dylan, on the other hand, is not accustomed and less than willing to bend over backwards for anyone whom he doesn't give a shit for, let alone anyone he can't stand. then now their flight has been postponed and this shits up things for our schedule and dylan is annoyed and i'm trying to be the middle man and the caring sister and the considerate gf all at the same time but it's driving me crazy. and then dylan says "fuck it lah. you pple go do watever you want." OFFLINE.

so now i'm part of you pple. very nice. VERY nice. you have a nice day too, dahling. my bf is so mature, he can't control his temper. why should i be feeling so worthless inside. i feel like i'm the reason everyone is coming here and i don't think i'm really worth the trouble if it's only gonna make everyone so worked up. i seem to be making dylan very unhappy. maybe he should reconsider wanting to marry me. i believe my existential purpose is to make others happy. i'd rather vanish into thin air than know tt my existence feeds a loved one's unhappiness. i wish i could be everything you need and want. not so naggy, more concerned with outdoorsy spontaneous things, not so emotional, not so unappreciative bla bla blah. i'm not and if i make you so unhappy, then you don't need me in your life. it's sad and it's too bad for me but tt's the way things go, everyone has their place. i don't need your charity, i will make myself useful elsewhere.

jveux plus essayer jveux plus essayer.

the sky had been groaning for a while but the rain only started to descend as i was putting the phone down. literally, man. i looked out the window, the phone almost touching the receiver i watched in amusement as the leaves started to quiver strangely, like in a timelapse documentary. part of the strangeness was from the fact that each leaf moved by itself, sporadically and only in sync with itself. the air was still and so the branches were still and the only movement was the leaves quivering, like... a bit like many many many medium-sized green butterflies being random the way butterflies always seem to be. i thought i had to write it down, in case i forgot.

:: How Soon Is Now - morrissey (playing in my head)

you shut your mouth
how can you say i go about things the wrong way?
i am human and i need to be loved
just like everybody else does.


it's not even 11.46 in the morning and i'm up. this seems to be the reason why the view outside my window looks a bit different today (despite the fact that the sky has been overcast all day for the past few days). smells diff too. i smell nostalgia. and the phlegm stuck at the back of my throat.

when i'm feeling good and calm like tt, i'm always afraid to change my environment for fear of losing this feeling. i just switched on the heater and even this makes me worry. why do things like tt make a difference to me?


i still haven't gotten a job. tt cheapo looking place said they'd hire me on the spot but i'm kind of unwilling to give up my time right now. guess i shouldve asked them when i first got back cos i was so much free-er then. ive not been very good to keeping within my means this sem. not tt ive been spending often. the most worth it thing ive done this sem is probably pilates. it's one of the reasons i'm not free for a job but it also makes me feel good. (oh ya, i forgot to tell you, yesterday i found my butt *wooohoo!*. at ifrst i thought it was just cos i was arching my back too mcuh btu i found tt even when i didn't arch my back, my butt stuck out, glowing with newfound perkiness. thank you, pilates instructor. sounds lame but (or.. buTT hur hur..) i was really pleased with this. esp since this makes it easier for clothes to fit nicely and i can actually sEE where my $90 went to.

MEH.

edward just informed me he's moving out next sem. i'm kind of surprised and i think a little upset too. because i feel like despite having known him for only 3 months we're like real good friends (my perception) and we get along really well. plus, alex is moving out too.

was on my way to church when i felt a surge of blood rush to my chest. the kind of feeling you get when you hear bad news and you can literally feel your heart sink. and then i felt like i was going to start sobbing uncontrollably. fuck you, mood swing, FUCK YOU. fucking period. it's so frustrating when these emotions overwhelm me cos i don't have anything to be really sad about yet i feel like crying and i don't even know why. and it really gets me down. and it's really draining. i came back, had dinner and then knocked out for almost four hours.

well i guess i have something to be upset bout now tt two of my favourite boys are moving out frm hall. maybe my heart is clairvoyant.

wat is a deictic centre?
"A deictic center is a reference point in relation to which a deictic expression is to be interpreted."

wah soooooooooo FUUUUUCKING helpful. i hate it when pple don't answer my questions. pet peeve.

i told dylan we shouldn't have sex every single day that he is here (when he is here). i cannot imagine having enough energy. and i don't want the novelty of it to wear off. plus, if we know we're gonna do it every night, then it becomes predictable and might become (oh my, pls no) a bane. dahling says agreed. now i'm excited haha. cos now i won't know which days he's gonna grab me from behind and make sweet love to me. our rd trip just got a little more exciting. hah.

i've been doing ok in my work. good grades, in fact (for french only) but i'm not confident i'll pass cos the biggies looming ahead also happen to be the toughies. bonne chance, moi. merci, j'en ai vraiment besoin.

winamp was on random play last week when this song came on:

There's times where I want something more
Someone more like me
There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete
But, you see the colors in me like no one else
And behind your dark glasses you're...
You're something else

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

You know some real bad tricks
And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard
And giving me your best
And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep
That I've ever had
And when it's really bad
I guess it's not that bad

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

So many moons that we have seen
Stumbling back next to me
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
Better... better...

You are my real Prince Charmin'
Like the heat from the fire
You were always burnin'
And each time you're around
My body keeps stalin'
For your touch
Your kisses and your sweet romancin'
There's an underside to you
That so many adore
Aside from your temper
Everything else secure
You're good for me, baby
Oh that, I'm sure
Over and over again
I want more

You've used up all your coupons
And all you've got left is me
And somehow I'm full of forgiveness
I guess it's meant to be

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lovely
Underneath it all
And you're really lovely


ifor some reason, i happened to be listening to the words. timing seems to be a big thing in this relationship and i like how this song came up and said everything i needed to say. needless ot say i got so excited i msned dylan and pasted the lyrics into the window. i know, you could say it's just coincidence but i choose to believe otherwise. i dont think anyone can imagine how much the words truly describe the way i feel bout him.

and i think i like where this relationship is going. i dont wanna let go i don't wanna let go i don't wanna let go.

:: So Sorry - feist


i can hear the raindrops starting to slap against the leaves on the hibsicus tree outside. harder then softer then harder again; the rain is indecisive. or maybe it means to be that way. we duno. and it's stopped now.


since the last time i spoke to you, dylan has been divulging details of his family life as slowly as he feels comfortable to. knowing tt he grew up in a similar environment has made me feel closer to him. made me more certain that he understands my pain and also made me understand why he thinks the way he thinks and acts the way he does. makes me not regret being with lidong cos having tt relationship has made me appreciate the way dylan and i think the same way about family, the way we understand each others' priorities. i imagine tt i'd never be able to be this appreciative if i hadn't been with lidong because dylan is almost everything tt lidong is not.

it's uncanny how we had so many near misses- both of us had worked with wilderness A but just a few months apart. he wanted to u-dub and would've stayed in currie hall if he did but all tt didn't materialise. can only imagine where else we might have met in the past. it was a nearly a miss at the inncrowd- he was spposed to stay with the hostel for only a yr but ended hanging round for 2 yrs- and then i came along. God's pretty good with timing, we both agree.

we've had some pretty fiery disputes. and i duno how many times i've cried. cos i feel all messed up inside when he gets angry. it fucks me up and it makes me want to hurt myself, which i did when he was here. it makes me die inside like how i felt like i did when mummmy and daddy fought. but me and dylan, we'll be ok because we want to be. and we don't wanna be like the parents. i hope i didn't just jinx it by saying it out.

i'm not used to saying i love you and really really meaning it. maybe this is a good time to learn.

Wait, my open eyes are sorry now
You and me are in this together
I cry, I cry cos you're not here at all
I cannot be the only one

a little misunderstanding on msn. i don't have time for this- i need to do my ilectures and the fucking assignmt. bathing is also on the list i guess. and sleeping too. i don't like it when dylan is angry cos it makes me feel fucked up insde even though it's not his fault i feel this way. i wish we could call each other and talk bout it and then he'd turn up at my door and we'd hug real tight. and then we'd lie in bed together and i'd show him how my fingers dance to music and then we'd fall asleep, nice and warm. fuck you, hmwk, fuck you.

:: Dark Blue - jack's mannequin

i'm a caring person. this becomes a problem when it is mistaken for love. i hope i love dylan. he's willing to do this and that for me and for me only because i apparently make him a different person, presumably and evidently better than he used to be (taking the conventional sense of the word better). i can't say the same bout me. i'm happy with him most of the time, that's for sure. the 3letter word is good. -but i'm not going to change; not for anyone, not for him. it's not like i'm holding back consciously. i just don't feel compelled to change and so i won't. not for the better and hopefully not for the worse too. this, i feel, isn't doing the man justice.

i don't think i have self esteem problems in this area. it's just that i don't see myself coming across as very endearing when i'm in my anti social moods, which manifest more often than one would think possible. it bothers me a little bit that he is so determined to love me. it bothers me simply because i don't feel that same determination.


i just told dylan over the ph tt he shouldn't call so often. i need my space, i said. already that was difficult enough to break to him. why do i feel the need to drive pple away? why do i get bored so easily?

dylan is now back home. not the home he'd like to be in, but back home nevertheless. his being here with me was sweet, memorable, enlightening, slightly annoying, tasty, fun all at the same time. here are some of the things we enjoyed-










i bought a watch for $10 frm the guild village. nice.

lots of work to do tonight. prep for french tute tmr.
waxed legs and hehe today. hahahahahahahaa HEHE.
dylan's eta tmr: 2205
our eta: throughout the whole fucking night {;oP

in other news, i had lunch with maan today.

we- dylan and i - are gonna watch miss saigon and annie and the freo street fest. i'm afraid to expect too much because things never turn out good when i expect them to. so i will just do my french and try not to anticipate anything.

i have a wanderlust problem. i hope this is curable. this boy wants me for life and i don't want to let him down.